{"id":2368,"date":"2021-03-29T11:55:40","date_gmt":"2021-03-29T16:55:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marvelousminds.net\/?p=2368"},"modified":"2021-03-29T11:59:21","modified_gmt":"2021-03-29T16:59:21","slug":"what-is-perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marvelousminds.net\/what-is-perfectionism\/","title":{"rendered":"What is Perfectionism?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cPerfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.\u201d\u00a0 -Brene Brown<\/em><\/h4>\n

The first time I heard about the term perfectionism was when I watched a Brene Brown shame video that a colleague frequently used in her group therapy.\u00a0 I was co-leading the group with her that day and as I was watching along with our clients, it\u2019s like a lightbulb went off in my head and I was learning right along with them at that moment.\u00a0 I\u2019m sitting there saying to myself \u201cso this is what I\u2019ve been experiencing my whole life, no it can\u2019t be.\u201d\u00a0 It made me reflect on how being the oldest, responsible child with straight A\u2019s who also belonged to 23789 school clubs, events, and sports (slight exaggeration on the exact numbering) throughout my entire life, maybe just maybe was trying to hide something. \u00a0<\/p>\n

The idea of perfectionism comes from the emotion of shame; you see together they are like a toxic, unhealthy relationship where they can\u2019t exist without one another.\u00a0 In order for us to struggle and strive to be perfect, we must feel that we are a bad person at the core somewhere deep inside and that\u2019s where shame comes in.\u00a0 Shame from an evolutionary standpoint is an emotion that\u2019s meant to keep us connected with a social group.\u00a0 Think caveman!\u00a0 If thousands of years ago we had done something \u201cbad,\u201d there would be this urge to hide it in order to remain with our tribe.\u00a0 Tribe=survival.\u00a0 Fast forward to current times, and there are different things that prompt shame for people; things that are meant to be normalized, such as not having a clean house, not having flawless skin, or even admitting to a client that you aren\u2019t sure how to answer their question as a professional. This is where perfectionism swoops in and acts like this (FAKE) shield trying to protect us from feeling hurt.\u00a0 To quote Brene (again), \u201cWhen perfectionism is driving, shame is riding shotgun, and fear is that annoying backseat driver.\u201d\u00a0 So all the while what perfectionism does is hold us back from being who we are and living a free life. \u00a0<\/p>\n

So how do you know if you would fall into the category of being a perfectionist? \u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n

Here are a few signs to be mindful of:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n